On Letting Go

I had a very well though out blog post about to go up here. Halfway through typing it and feeling sad and sorry for myself, I accidentally deleted it. I get it. Yes. I get it. Let it go. Just let it go. Nothing is forever, the only constant is change. Those that matter will be here, those other folks and the crossing of paths was meant just for that time. So be it.  I was laying in bed last night trying to think about what my lesson at Squid was. What was the point of me being there and what was it I was supposed to learn. It all came to me in a rush, and now I'm processing. I was meant to be there to meet some amazing people, but also understand my true strength and power,  learn patience and kindness. Take nothing personally as everyone has their own journey and battles. Stand strong for what you know to be right. Do it all with a dose of laughter and understanding. Don't give it all away,. I'm learning. Thanks to all the teachers I have had.

Twenty One-Fool's Lesson

I write this twenty-one days before we depart. Twenty-One is the number of the Fool in Tarot [or Zero-into the void]. Twenty One, symbol of the person centered on the object and either on himself.

Twenty one days until I answer the siren call of the West.

Growing up I was obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder. I mean OBSESSED. I read and re read those books until they were broken and tattered, smeared with dirty fingerprints. I used to climb up into the Magnolia tree in my Grandparents back yard and read among the birds and leaves, wishing I could be Laura.

The boy and I like modern day pioneers, loading our wagon with precious few possessions for the long journey out west, trailing through the areas of our ancestors. We are deliberately taking the route North then West so I may release the dirt from my Grandfathers grave to mingle with the dirt of his Fathers grave on the Iron Range.

Joe is also taking some of his Father with us since he always wanted to live out West, but left this earth before he had the chance. The plan is to walk the mountains with his ashes until a spot calls out and we respond with a prayer, blessing, and releasing. 

I find the older that I get, the more I become the keeper of my family. I keep the traditions, the stories, the superstitions and the prayers. I find that I identify more with the old spirits and the old ways. I feel that this move is the culmination of the lessons wrought by home, time, and family mingling with the void of releasing.

Six Weeks

In six weeks, Joe and I are heading out for Portland. I am having a litany of emotions. One day I'm elated and cant wait to get the F*** out of here, other days I'm panicky with all that needs to be done and leaving behind the familiarity that is Chicago. This is a big life change in a series of big life changes over the past few years. During the past three years that Joe and I have been together the following has happened:
*Got Engaged
* Put kittie to sleep
*Dad was deported back to Costa Rica (even though he is a naturalized American Citizen, married to an american citizen for almost 20 years, and has lived here since he was 5-God bless the patriot act)
* Got married (second time for both of us)
* Dad was able to re enter the country, but this is still a battle that our family is fighting
*moved twice
* Joes dad died unexpectedly three days before Christmas
* Joes first time out of the country
* I got a new job at Colossal Squid
* Started Yoga Work Study
* moved third time-up to Evanston
* Joe crashed his bike slid across three lanes of traffic- ER trip
* Went to San Francisco
*Leslie and Tyler moved to PDX

Yeah, its a lot of stuff to have happen when you are newly dating/married. I just figure that we are stronger for it and once we get out there we can have a jump start on having a much more chill couple of years.

Jonah.

                                                       [Jonah and Miranda]

Today, Joe and I are up early cleaning and organizing the house for our departure. We will also be heading over to Jonah's place to help him ship his possessions half way across the country and say goodbye for now.

I first met Jonah when I started at Colossal Squid Industries. It was pretty much him and I figuring out how to organize, operate, and keep the place running as Squid was growing by leaps and bounds. He quickly became one of my closest friends and for this I am grateful.

 During the two years that I have known him he has always provided laughter, great advice, and excellent company. Jonah is off to PDX and I can vouch that the town will be all the more better upon his arrival.

As this week has been very weird without a daily dose of Jonah Gruber at Squid, I am happy to know that he is going and conquering. I have come to expect amazing things from him. Sir, I look forward to the upcoming adventures in Portland, until then adieu.

St. Petronilla

St. Petronilla is the Patron Saint of Mountain Travelers.

I have been away for more than a year. I blame lack of initiative and an overwhelmingly awful 2010. I am past this now and plan for this to be a regularly updated place. The next six weeks are going to be insanely busy due to the boy and I moving out to PDX.
WHAT?! Jenn and Joe leave Chicago, their home and hearth? Natives (particularly South Siders) never ever leave Chicago.

Well folks, we are out of here. Chicago, the home of bungalows, extreme political corruption, and our family graves just no longer feels like our home. Perhaps its the influx of other Mid-westerners who bring their bad driving and "bro" culture. Partly because of the Matriarchs and Patriarchs that ruled both of our working class, Union centric families have passed. Mostly because we have both promised ourselves that while we love our parents, aunts, uncles and large crazy families we really don't want to end up being just like them.

So we are packing up our little Mazda putting our little family out on the road and heading to rainy 50+ degree weather. I am very much looking forward to reconnecting with our extended 'family' out in Portland, and really letting go of all things that no longer serve me. When we told my parents they both just looked at us and said " I feel like you guys are getting out of prison. Good for you!" The boys parents said we were "delivering a dagger straight to the heart." I think I feel pretty much smack in the middle of both of those statements. Ohh the guilt of the Irish Catholics.


I have battled back and forth with joining Facebook and alas, just can't bring myself to do it. I will be on here regularly to keep up with the ones I love, so please stop by to see what we are getting ourselves into. Currently, I have the day off of work and am facing a mound of purging, packing, and a sense of peace coupled with the need for long deep breaths.