On Letting Go

I had a very well though out blog post about to go up here. Halfway through typing it and feeling sad and sorry for myself, I accidentally deleted it. I get it. Yes. I get it. Let it go. Just let it go. Nothing is forever, the only constant is change. Those that matter will be here, those other folks and the crossing of paths was meant just for that time. So be it.  I was laying in bed last night trying to think about what my lesson at Squid was. What was the point of me being there and what was it I was supposed to learn. It all came to me in a rush, and now I'm processing. I was meant to be there to meet some amazing people, but also understand my true strength and power,  learn patience and kindness. Take nothing personally as everyone has their own journey and battles. Stand strong for what you know to be right. Do it all with a dose of laughter and understanding. Don't give it all away,. I'm learning. Thanks to all the teachers I have had.

Twenty One-Fool's Lesson

I write this twenty-one days before we depart. Twenty-One is the number of the Fool in Tarot [or Zero-into the void]. Twenty One, symbol of the person centered on the object and either on himself.

Twenty one days until I answer the siren call of the West.

Growing up I was obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder. I mean OBSESSED. I read and re read those books until they were broken and tattered, smeared with dirty fingerprints. I used to climb up into the Magnolia tree in my Grandparents back yard and read among the birds and leaves, wishing I could be Laura.

The boy and I like modern day pioneers, loading our wagon with precious few possessions for the long journey out west, trailing through the areas of our ancestors. We are deliberately taking the route North then West so I may release the dirt from my Grandfathers grave to mingle with the dirt of his Fathers grave on the Iron Range.

Joe is also taking some of his Father with us since he always wanted to live out West, but left this earth before he had the chance. The plan is to walk the mountains with his ashes until a spot calls out and we respond with a prayer, blessing, and releasing. 

I find the older that I get, the more I become the keeper of my family. I keep the traditions, the stories, the superstitions and the prayers. I find that I identify more with the old spirits and the old ways. I feel that this move is the culmination of the lessons wrought by home, time, and family mingling with the void of releasing.

Six Weeks

In six weeks, Joe and I are heading out for Portland. I am having a litany of emotions. One day I'm elated and cant wait to get the F*** out of here, other days I'm panicky with all that needs to be done and leaving behind the familiarity that is Chicago. This is a big life change in a series of big life changes over the past few years. During the past three years that Joe and I have been together the following has happened:
*Got Engaged
* Put kittie to sleep
*Dad was deported back to Costa Rica (even though he is a naturalized American Citizen, married to an american citizen for almost 20 years, and has lived here since he was 5-God bless the patriot act)
* Got married (second time for both of us)
* Dad was able to re enter the country, but this is still a battle that our family is fighting
*moved twice
* Joes dad died unexpectedly three days before Christmas
* Joes first time out of the country
* I got a new job at Colossal Squid
* Started Yoga Work Study
* moved third time-up to Evanston
* Joe crashed his bike slid across three lanes of traffic- ER trip
* Went to San Francisco
*Leslie and Tyler moved to PDX

Yeah, its a lot of stuff to have happen when you are newly dating/married. I just figure that we are stronger for it and once we get out there we can have a jump start on having a much more chill couple of years.

Jonah.

                                                       [Jonah and Miranda]

Today, Joe and I are up early cleaning and organizing the house for our departure. We will also be heading over to Jonah's place to help him ship his possessions half way across the country and say goodbye for now.

I first met Jonah when I started at Colossal Squid Industries. It was pretty much him and I figuring out how to organize, operate, and keep the place running as Squid was growing by leaps and bounds. He quickly became one of my closest friends and for this I am grateful.

 During the two years that I have known him he has always provided laughter, great advice, and excellent company. Jonah is off to PDX and I can vouch that the town will be all the more better upon his arrival.

As this week has been very weird without a daily dose of Jonah Gruber at Squid, I am happy to know that he is going and conquering. I have come to expect amazing things from him. Sir, I look forward to the upcoming adventures in Portland, until then adieu.

St. Petronilla

St. Petronilla is the Patron Saint of Mountain Travelers.

I have been away for more than a year. I blame lack of initiative and an overwhelmingly awful 2010. I am past this now and plan for this to be a regularly updated place. The next six weeks are going to be insanely busy due to the boy and I moving out to PDX.
WHAT?! Jenn and Joe leave Chicago, their home and hearth? Natives (particularly South Siders) never ever leave Chicago.

Well folks, we are out of here. Chicago, the home of bungalows, extreme political corruption, and our family graves just no longer feels like our home. Perhaps its the influx of other Mid-westerners who bring their bad driving and "bro" culture. Partly because of the Matriarchs and Patriarchs that ruled both of our working class, Union centric families have passed. Mostly because we have both promised ourselves that while we love our parents, aunts, uncles and large crazy families we really don't want to end up being just like them.

So we are packing up our little Mazda putting our little family out on the road and heading to rainy 50+ degree weather. I am very much looking forward to reconnecting with our extended 'family' out in Portland, and really letting go of all things that no longer serve me. When we told my parents they both just looked at us and said " I feel like you guys are getting out of prison. Good for you!" The boys parents said we were "delivering a dagger straight to the heart." I think I feel pretty much smack in the middle of both of those statements. Ohh the guilt of the Irish Catholics.


I have battled back and forth with joining Facebook and alas, just can't bring myself to do it. I will be on here regularly to keep up with the ones I love, so please stop by to see what we are getting ourselves into. Currently, I have the day off of work and am facing a mound of purging, packing, and a sense of peace coupled with the need for long deep breaths.

What's Going on

I really need to be better about updating this thing. Seriously. I now have more time, well somewhat more time than I did before. I quite C-K two weeks ago and it has been the best decision of my life. That place was a time/life/soul suck. Bad, bad, bad juju. So now my days are spent working three days a week at a creative shop, doing a Work-Study at Yoga Now, studying to re certify my NCTMB license, and generally regaining my life back. Its a good balance. I remember what its like to be 'me', as in doing things because I enjoy them not because I have too. My birthday is fast approaching and with it a lot of new lessons learned this year. First lesson. Being true to yourself is way more important than worrying about how people view you or what they say about you. Ethics, people. Very important. The whole idea of putting away childish things, second lesson. I don't need excessive amounts of booze or acquaintances, I only need those that I count as true friends. Third. Compassion, kindness, grounded behavior, will help you weather any storm and the ability to focus your energy and believe in what you are passionate about is important and DOES MATTER. Fourth, being in a shadow is no way to be. As in stand in your own light, all goes back to number three, that if its important to you than it matters. end.of.story. So this month of December is filled with vegan potlucks, numerous birthday celebrations, compassion, love, and celebrating. I am very optimistic about the end of '09 and the upcoming New Year. J'Taime.

I'm Back

So, it has been a crazy summer, what with inclement weather, adjustments to married life, new friends and old leaving and entering my life at an alarming rate. Now that we are at the end of summer and road season, its time for me to get back on the proverbial horse and start doing my Sunday dinner blog. I thought we would start the week off right, with an old standby in this household. I was able to make this recipe due to an unexpected gift from Les and Ty, and their abundant CSA box. They had a plethora of beets so, being the lovely people that they are, they passed on a nice bag that included those delicious beets on top of some other very lovely vegetables that will grace our table this week. Thanks to both of you and your generosity! This Sunday dinner blog the feature is my "Sweet beetin' bean burritos with mango pineapple salsa" (or kumquat if they are in season)! Really, this is a super simple recipe, full of delicious veggie goodness, and Joe cant help but eat at least three of these in one sitting. here is the recipe:
2 small to medium size beets (with tops) and sweet potatoes, diced
1 15 oz can black beans rinsed and drained
1/4 red onion, cut into strips
1 poblano pepper, cut into strips
1/2 tbsp cumin
2 tbs olive oil
sea salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
Directions: preheat oven to 450 degrees take diced beets (remember to save the tops) and the sweet potato and put into casserole dish place 1 tbs olive oil into pan along with cumin, salt and pepper. toss until coated and place in oven. Remember to stir occasionally.

while veggies are roasting you can make your salsa

Pineapple mango salsa:
1 cup finely diced pineapple
1 large ripe mango peeled, finely diced
1/4 cup diced red onion
1 jalepeno finely diced (more or less to taste)
1 tbs Cilantro (optional) 1/2 lime zested and juiced
salt to taste
combine all ingredients in large bowl and place in fridge so flavors can combine
Kumquat variation: Omitt pineapple, add 10-15 fresh kumquats thinly sliced into rounds
After Salsa is finished, start the bean mixture
heat skillet on medium heat add olive oil
saute poblano and red onion until soft and translucent
add the can of beans and chopped beet greens, stirring to incorporate
place lid on skillet and turn heat to low, stir every couple of minutes so mixture doesnt burn.

after 5 minutes remove from heat and let sit, while you remove beet and sweet potato mixture from the oven.

to assemble:
take burrito shell (we love ezekial brand sprouted wheat tortillas-not gluten free) heat in oven for 30 seconds to soften
place spoonful of beet mixture and spread in a horizontal line (left to right) near the bottom middle of your shell next add bean mixture right next to the beets fold sides over and bottom and start rolling cut in half and serve with salsa and a salad or guacamole and chips.
To make GF version, I opt for a burrito bowl idea sometimes adding Follow your Heart vegan cheese that I shred on top. Enjoy!

Winds out of the East.

Change is coming. Or I should say, already here. I got married on Sunday, for real this time. I'm happy. I can't wait for all the adventures that are ahead of us. I love Joe more than I ever thought possible. My life wouldn't be complete without him. So, with this upon us, its time to Get R and M ready for the same awesomeness, so her and i can go open that cafe. This is going to be the greatest summer ever.

Maybe I will do this....

How come there isn't a lovely fairly that comes down and goes "this is what you should be when you grow up"? I am getting fairly fed up with being unable to make up my mind as to what I want to do in life. I will study literature! No, photography! No....wait...design....no I take that back....how about....Massage Therapy? I already did that. Now....lets do nursing....no no I dont know thats a lot of debt. So I guess I will look into opening a business. That debt sounds more fun.How about a Cafe? Lets say a Vegan/Vegetarian Cafe. With good coffee. Plenty of bike parking. With Sweets. In a neighborhood that needs a Cafe. Say, Logan Square?. We could be a non profit, maybe. That has free WIFI. and old comfy couches. i need help though. Some lady friends, perhaps? With good work ethics, tasty recipes, and plenty of love so that we wouldnt fight all the time. yeah. I think that would be lovely....

OMFG! Or how did I miss this

So, I just have to say, and I also understand that it is way late to even complain or be upset about this, and the outcome turned in my favor, so whatever. Seriously though, this has made my jaw hit the floor, and maybe most of you know this, but LANCE ARMSTRONG CAMPAIGNED FOR JOHN MCCAIN. I mean seriously?! I already hated Lance, but it was more of an annoyance type of hate, like a fly buzzing around. This though, takes the cake. Now it is a strong, disgusted hate for that asshole.

Direction

I know this blog isn't really about anything. I dont use it as a forum, I mainly just write about the mundane things that happen in my life, yet for some reason I like to remember. This weekend, for example, was a ton of fun, albeit a busy one. Joe and I went over to Zach and Allisons for Cuban food on Friday night, that was pretty fun, as we drank some beers, and had a good conversation. Saturday was a lot of running around to get the fellas ready for the trip to Georgia, but it was cool eating delicious soup and ice cream, and the occasional dance break out that would go down. Sunday, as tradition, we have a family dinner at our house. It started years ago, when I lived back in Muncie. We used to have this big fried chicken, mashed potato, corn, two types of gravy and cornbread dinners every week. Everyone would come over and bring a couple cases of beer (or whatever was leftover after Saturday night) and we would EAT. We took the tradition to Chicago, and it ebbed and flowed in attendance, food preference, etc. Nowadays, seeing as we are all in our late 20's, and super busy in our own lives, it becomes harder to meet every week. We do a Vegan bike Gang Brunch around every other month, but that is getting harder to organize, as Matt and Ranise are getting married, on top of Joe and I.
So, we try and maintain a weekly dinner, which is usually just Rene, Joe, and I. Last night Zach came by, which was awesome, and he gave me a really good idea. People tell me whenever I cook for them, that I should write a cookbook. I kind of brush it off, because I really dont think anything I do is extremely hard or special. Zach mentioned that I should blog about my food and recipes. I liked the idea, but was kind of like, whatever. Then I really thought about it, and it made sense. I could go on the whole Sunday dinner theme, and then do the recipes that I made and add a photo of the final project. So, there it is. A new and totally fun direction for me! I wish I would have taken photos of what we had last night. They were totally scrumptious black bean burgers, with a bunch of yummy stuff piled on top. They would rival Kumas anyday, and I am willing to bet on it.

Changes.

It has been a long time since I have posted on here. Nothing really crazy has been happening during the past 6 weeks, same work stuff, same freezing outside. Joe and I were talking the other night and we are trying to decide what to do for our wedding. I know we had this huge party planned, which seemed like such a fun idea, but now we are going over everything, looking at the budget, and it just doesnt seem possible. He then wanted to just go to the courthouse and get it over with, but, seeing as we have both done that before, I really want a wedding. We are going to cut the attendants back a lot, maybe change the location, and we are going to California to drive the PCH for a week for our honeymoon. I am excited, but nervous, and at this point just want to get it over with, unfortunately.

He said yes...

This week has been somewhat uneventful. Well, more uneventful then previous weeks where all I talk about is Banh Mi and the Breeders. I went to Trader Joe's on lunch with Don, who brought up the point that I haven't been posting lately (this ones for you...kinda) so I thought "what the hell" mind as well write something. Work was stupid this week, as in nothing happening, except the gross incompetence that runs rampant through that place (wait?.....Gypsy's are real people??)

so the trek to TJ's was a welcome respite. We went and meandered, talked about movies and what not. Don is one of my favorite people to converse with on literature and film. We have fairly similar taste and an uncanny ability to make fun of anything and everything, even if it is delightful. That is a rare quality to find in a friend, so I appreciate him all the more. But enough with that. I got home to a completely blacked out street, Joe with more pancake mix than I ever thought someone could possibly purchase (we now have three GIANT boxes in the pantry), and the burning need for a bottle of wine and my awful (yet comfy) white grandma sweater. I just wanted to sit on the couch, eat Mexican take out and watch the always riveting Friday edition of Chicago Tonight followed by Check Please. About this time is when I am tipsy enough to either A) fall asleep on the couch whilst muttering something about me being old

B) revisit the insane pile of magazines that we have collected over the year until I fall asleep on top of said pile

C) futs around on the Internet 

D) all of the above in various orders

Tonight it was option C. I was waiting to go to bed (lights out at 9pm at this house) I went online and to my joy found a myspace message from one of my dearest friends Carol.

Carol and Elijah ( other dear friend) took off to Philly a few years ago to do the noble thing of helping out with aging grandparents. With that it has been a sad time for me, as we all lived together (and each went through and attended each others various divorces/breakups)

so when they left it was saying goodbye to my nearest and dearest family.

C is an amazing artist, and we asked her to draw our wedding invitations for us. While C and I were conversing on the subject, I mentioned it to her about talking to E about giving me away at our wedding (for those of you who don't know e, he doesn't like the phone, and is most likely to interpretive dance a conversation with you than actually have a 'live' one.) Occasionally we have been known to meet up in each others dreams and catch each other up, so obviously conventional contacting doesn't work well and carrier pigeons are a messy lot. so I didn't think much of it, and not thinking c would mention anything to him. Ohh and for those of you who don't know me very well, I don't speak to either of my parents or any other affiliated members of my family.They are a disaster, and tend to make me reach for all sorts of unhealthy recreational abuses, so it just works out better. so I guess she has been asking him to check his email and wanted to know if he heard from me. Finally he couldn't take it, so C just blurted it out, and with a resounding YES, he said he would love to do it, as long as he could wear the leather accoutrement's that his costume requires. she sent me a note post haste regarding the yes and the leather, and I said yes to both, finally emailed e about it, and I can say that i am in tears that my dearest e (i dare say we have been siblings at least 5 lifetimes through which can be irritating but more so lovely....after the fighting) will be the one to give me away. ::sigh:: with that dear reader, i bid you adieu, have a lovely night and may your dreams be beautiful.

SaTURDSday

Seeing as yesterday was the last saturday I would have on vacation, I decided to remind myself of how fun it was to be a kid again. I got up when some of Joe's buddies showed up balls early at the house( i actually love seeing them i just hate mornings in general) for pancakes. We sat around drank coffee and ate pancakes, nothing major. They took off and I got the place to myself, which is like the best thing ever. So, I completely blow off responsibilities, put on Fear, and laid on the couch listening to the entire record. Its been forfuckingever since I have done that. seriously. so i sat around, ate some food, rene came over, we sat around, ate some food, watched tv, fell asleep, you know like when you were a teenager and had nothing to do over break except hang out. 

Later in the day Zach picks us up and we head over to the WP to hang at the loft and see those folks. Before we do that though, we picked up Ben and went to Sultans and just totally slaughtered some tasty shit. We ride over to Ranises after and get to see her and the pup, G balls, matt and brent. We sat around, had some drinks, ate some of R's amazing vegan goodies,and talk shit about bikes, people, and that whole wedding thing.  We head on over to Ronny's and stand around and play pool before the show starts. We saw some awful band open and then matts band Fascist Beauties play. They were pretty fucking good (and they covered the Riverdales, which made R's heart totally swoon). Matt somehow got all sorts of tangled up in the mic cord and then somehow was able to make it worse by tangling his t shirt up in it too. That was the best shit of the night by far. Afterwards, we drove home, talked shit, shared high 5's all around and I passed out with my shoes on. perfect.

So it begins....

Now that we have embarked on a new year i have some things that need taking care of. First off let me just say that the bro down at Hopleaf last night was the most fun I have had in a while. It was nice talking shit about what a bad ass I used to be, and I can say now that I am happy that I have calmed down immensely. Plus telling funny stories about your ex husband to new acquaintances is always worth it.

 I have a partner(the lovely miss Julie) who will be running my first 5k with me. Now, lets talk about that. I'm getting married October 31st of this year. So because of this I have begun the whole OHMYGODIMGETTINGMARRIEDBETTERLOOKHOT panic that seems to befall so many women. Now, I am totally fine with myself, so this isnt some sort of weird torture I am inflicting for "beauty". I just miss the way I used to look, back when all I did was smoke ciggies and get hammered(that is no way to maintain 118pds people) so I am on my way to getting back to that( well not that per SE, I looked kind of sick) but a close approximation to it. 

Also, the whole planning of said shindig must get underway now, or its going to be a very very crabby time, and I don't think Joe deserves that so much.  So today I started. I started looking at flowers, picked out the dress, picked out the shoes, picked out the hair thingy, picked out the rest of the design for my sleeve, got ideas for the vows, so on and so forth. It was productive, plus I got to hang with Leslie and Milo which is always a good time.

Lets see what else. Ohh yes, I am looking forward to this weekend. I get to see Ranise, Riot, Jeraul, Joe and Zach are hanging out too. This is always fun. Going over to the loft to bro down, scratch some lotto tickets, have some drinks and listen to records before we go to a show. Cant wait. Its been a long hibernation with this winter and I am looking forward to the year ahead. Ohh and the above comic is from Fart Party, one of my favorite zines out there. Thanks Ranise, we will always have the FP.

Things and Stuff

I was off of work most of last week and all of this week. Here is the breakdown of my vacation so far:

breeders-its all i want to listen to right now for some reason

train ride-rene mentioned bubble water, that made me put pants on

Ban Mi-this is the best thing ever. well the best thing that costs $3.49

Internet-I stared at it most of the day-seriously i usually do that at work. I shouldnt waste my vacation doing it too

Naps-you read correctly napS

Simons pub- Anna is in town from LA, which means Glogg, Oslo, Norway, Robots, Humans, and the occasional land animal

its been a very productive day. Tomorrow I hope to wear pants most of the day, paint something useful, watch something useful (like ZIM) hang with K and keep that phone date. 

Birthday.

My birthday was on Wednesday. It was enjoyable, I went out with some folks that I work with, and we got Tapas in Andersonville. Joe gave me wonderful presents, including this wicked old school Doctor's clipboard that has all these anatomical structures on it. On Friday, we went out to Agame Sushi for a just the two of us dinner. now that was swell.